The Empty Tomb, George Richardson |
Why do you look for the living among the dead?
Sometimes, we do discover the living among the dead. And in that discovery, we are given back our
own life in ways we could not have dared to imagine.
That is the theme of Jason Cohen’s documentary short film, Facing
Fear. No one was more surprised
to find that the tomb was empty than Tim Zaal.
Tim grew up in the Los Angeles suburbs as part of a very homogenous
Anglo community, yet he always felt like an outsider. When his brother was shot by an
African-American man, it reinforced his already nascent racism, nurturing a
sense of bitter resentment against those who were different than him.
When Tim was exposed to his first hard core punk rock show,
the sense of anger, fear, and violence that permeated the experience was
intoxicating. He found himself drawn
into the neo-Nazi white power movement.
His life became centered around hate and violence. He thrived on intimidating people and
wreaking havoc. It was like a drug to
him.
The low point of his life came one night when his gang of
neo-Nazi punks decided it would be cool to “kill some faggots.” They drove into Hollywood looking for
potential victims, and spotted a young gay kid on the street. 14 teen-age punks against 1 young kid. They cornered him in an alley and started
punching and kicking him. He fell to
the ground, but was still moving weakly.
That was when 17 year-old Tim said, “What is wrong with you
guys, don’t you know how to put a boot in?”
Then he kicked the kid as hard as he could in the head with his razor
blade studded boots. The kid stopped
moving. Tim and his friends high-fived
one other, hooting and gloating over their sacrifice of this innocent victim,
and left him for dead.
Later, Tim did prison time for attacking an Iranian
couple. He eventually married and began
to raise his son in L.A.’s racist skinhead scene. It wasn’t until he heard his little boy
publicly parroting his own crude racist language that Tim began to look in the
mirror. Something shifted in him, and he
was horrified to realize the person he had become and to acknowledge all the
people he had harmed, especially the young kid he had killed in a dark
alley.
By 2001, Tim had divorced and left the neo-Nazi
movement. He was beginning to build a
different life, and began volunteering at the Museum of Tolerance in Los
Angeles, which is dedicated to inspiring people to act against prejudice and
intolerance of all kinds. He began
working with a staff member, Matthew Boger, to develop anti-racism and
anti-bullying presentations for school groups.
Over several months, Tim and Matthew began to get to know
each other and became friends. One
afternoon, as they were sitting in a coffee shop preparing a school
presentation, they began to reminisce about their teen years in L.A. and
discovered that they had frequented some of the same haunts. Tim admitted he didn’t visit those areas
anymore, especially in Hollywood, because of the shame he carried from the past.
Matthew began to ask more questions, and Tim confessed his
participation in killing a gay kid in an alley off a park; a park with which
Matthew was very familiar. That was when
it all clicked. Matthew was the 14-year
old boy that Tim had left for dead in the alley. But Matthew survived, nursing his wounds
alone for two months on the street. The
tomb was empty, and Tim now found himself confronted by the innocent victim he
had sacrificed.
Matthew grew up in a strict Catholic family just outside of
San Francisco. He always knew that he
was gay, and became the target of relentless bullying in school. Finally, when he was 13, it became too much
and he just skipped his classes. When
his mother found out why he was truant, she grabbed him by the arm, drug him
across the floor, and threw him out the door.
She told him never to step foot in her house again so long as he is gay.
Matthew survived on the streets of San Francisco for a
couple of months, then tried to return home.
His mother slammed the door in his face.
Matthew was dead, as far as she was concerned. That was when Matthew decided to catch a bus
to Hollywood. Maybe he could start over
there. That was when he met Tim and his
gang. He might as well have been dead
after that. In fact, he prayed that he
would die. But he survived. More than that: he lived.
Matthew was truly alive now. And
here he was with his new friend, Tim:
the man who had tried his best to kill him.
What would you have done in Matthew’s place?
Matthew did something truly amazing. Not immediately, not readily, but slowly and
completely, he forgave Tim. No longer
defined by the taunts of others or the pain of exclusion; free from the
resentment of the past and the fear of death; given the capacity to see his
enemy as a friend, a broken outsider much like himself, Matthew forgave
Tim.
The one whom Tim left for dead was now alive, and appeared
to Tim in the form of forgiveness. In so
doing, Matthew gave Tim a precious gift:
the possibility of beginning to forgive himself. “Forgiving myself,” writes Tim, “is an
ongoing process, a daily practice. It
probably will be until the day I die.”
Strangely, Tim gave a great gift to Matthew in return. As Matthew put it, “I also experienced a
grieving process when I forgave because I had so identified with the events
that took place when I was 14 that by letting that part of me go, I mourned the
person I’d known for so long. But that’s
also a very beautiful thing because what got replaced was a person who was more
tolerant, more open hearted and a lot stronger.”
Tim and Matthew shared a moment of hate. Now, they share a lifetime of forgiveness. Shame and fear no longer trap them in a kind
of living death. They are being given
their lives back in ways they never could have dared to imagine. They are far more alive together, than they
ever were apart.
Why do you look for the living among the dead?
Jesus confronts us much in the same way that Matthew
confronted Tim. God loves us so much
that he comes to us in Jesus to occupy the place of shame, willingly, freely,
as an innocent victim left for dead. He
does so to free us from our fear of vulnerability, so that people like Matthew can
receive their lives back. God loves us
so much that he raised up Jesus, vindicating his innocence, so that he might also
be for us the Forgiving Victim, lifting the weight of our shame, so that people
like Tim can receive their lives back too.
Matthew and Tim are a kind of contemporary Peter and
Cornelius. Peter was a Jew living under
the brutality of Roman occupation.
Cornelius was an officer of the Roman army, complicit in the everyday
violence of Roman rule. Yet, Peter, who
experienced the love of the Risen Jesus, who forgave Peter his betrayal, says
to Cornelius, his bitter enemy, “I truly understand that God shows no
partiality, but in every nation anyone who fears him and does what is right is
acceptable to him.” The Innocent Victim
is risen, and everyone who trusts him receives forgiveness of sins through his
name.
The tomb is empty.
The Innocent Victim turns out to be the Forgiving Victim, and continues
to appear. He was sighted at the Museum
of Tolerance. He occasionally even
appears at a congregation near you.
Why do you look for the living among the dead?
We can choose to live small lives defined by a moment of
hate, or we can accept a lifetime of forgiveness. In fact, we can become the means by which
others are given their lives back. Christ
is risen; not just back then and there, but here and now, in us.
Christ is risen from the dead,
Trampling down death by death,
And upon those in the tombs
Bestowing life!
Trampling down death by death,
And upon those in the tombs
Bestowing life!
Alleluia, alleluia! Amen!
Note: The story of
Tim and Matthew can be found at The
Forgiveness Project.